It's been a little less than a month since I officially stopped seeing the children I had been helping take care of for the last two years. I met the two of them when they were five and eight, and the youngest JUST turned seven as we were saying our goodbyes last month. At the beginning, I thought I was just taking them on as a temporary side job, maybe taking care of them for a year at the most. However, over time, I fell in love with watching them grow up and became so integrated into their little lives that I was so torn every time I even considered that it may be time to move on.
Since school began at the beginning of September, I haven't had to pick them up from school...and it's so strange to go through the entire day without ever seeing them or talking to them. Just think about that, you pick up and hang out with two full-of-life kids for TWO YEARS and then all of a sudden, they aren't a part of your daily routine anymore. It's like mom-life had an off-switch...and I do not think that I am a fan of the off-switch option. It just occurred to me yesterday that these past few weeks without them, I have been experiencing the most "me" time in forever. Because now, I just find myself working home alone while everyone else is off at work, whereas before I would have my days filled with them and their daily after-school activities. I didn't realize that not having them around would make my entire days so quiet...
I stepped away from taking care of them to put all of my time and efforts into Pacific Engagements, because there's only so much I could get away with doing in a day before one of them would ask me to play LIFE, or help get a bowl down from the higher shelves, or before we would have to leave the house to start a never-ending carpool chain to various guitar lessons, soccer practices, and play dates. Yet, now that I have all the time in the world to myself to get tasks done, my days feel empty. And maybe that's just because I still need to get used to the quieter work environment (without the endless stream of Nerf gun bullets being fired), but I'm truly hoping that this decision was the right one. At the moment, I am feeling slightly guilty for leaving them behind in order to focus on the company, because if I was actually their mom and they were my real kids, that wouldn't be an option. And over the years of balancing them with starting the business, I have developed SO much respect and insight for all of those working moms out there who somehow flawlessly have done this juggling act for years and are KILLING IT!! So cheers to all of you amazing moms out there who make mom-life look easy!! You all are who I aspire to be one day in who-knows-how-many years.
And a huge thank you to the Raymond family for allowing me into their lives for so long. I appreciate you being so understanding of throughout my whole journey of getting to where I am today. During my these last few years, I have truly learned a lot from your wonderful family and I miss the kiddos everyday.